People magazine has just named Bradley Cooper “The Sexiest Man Alive.”
Which has prompted women and gay men all over the world to squeal: Really? Seriously? WTF?
This while the straight men guzzle Bud and belch out: The douche bag dude from The Hangover? Cool.
It’s not that the guy isn’t good-looking. He is, in that “I know I’m not as cute as I think I am but what the hell, I’m milking it, so sleep with me anyway” kind of way. And he’s downright pretty when lined up with his Hangover pals, most of whom are missing teeth, sporting third-degree sunburns, and showing their butt cracks throughout the film (technically that’s films, if you bothered to see the lame sequel).
Okay, Okay, So He’s Not George Clooney or Ryan Gosling
But even Hollywood can only boast so many of those uber-pretty boys. The best part of the not-quite-gorgeous Bradley Cooper making the grade is that it allows us women to proclaim our own not-quite-gorgeous guys The Sexiest Man Alive in My Bed. Which is, after all, an honor only a rare few attain.
So go home tonight, and name your man Bradley Cooper for a Night. Put on some soft music, light the candles, and slip into something seductive. Invite your man to do the same. Who needs George or Ryan when you’ve got your own Bradley Wannabe right here at home?
If your guy needs a little need a little help in the debonair department, place a copy of The Maxims for Manhood by Jeff Wilser on the coffee table. He’ll be manning up in no time.
But if all else fails, and you can’t get his snoring ass off the couch, you may have to resort to Plan B: Order pizza, download The Hangover from NetFlix, and promise to pull a Heather Graham when The End flashes on the screen.
Good luck with that.
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